He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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