alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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