On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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