i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
