Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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