No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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