I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
