Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have post one night stand depression
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