Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
