They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
