I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
