Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
