currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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