went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
