He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
