if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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