A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
