wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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