I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
