it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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