If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
