I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
