just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
