trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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