It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
