everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
