uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
