I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
