Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
