Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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