I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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