I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
