Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
