She is in my trunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can I color on your dick again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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