Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
