remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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