I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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