Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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