If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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