I wish I only lived at night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
