i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
