Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
