You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
