awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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