My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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