Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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