if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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