morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
