1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I looked at my own cervix.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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