I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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